Metamorphose — by Iveta

Blogging has recently become a greatly missed pastime of mine. Way too much else has occupied my time, my mind, but mostly, my life! If you read the status written around the end of August –
beginning of September, you are caught up with my health complications. For those readers whom feel lost at this moment, further down is a fairly quick briefing with all its chaos, disbelief, fascination and conjecture which will speed you up to midpoint of my colorful tale.

My assistant back then drove me to the ER where the doctor on staff affirmed the suspicions I had acquired the evening before, when not knowing my diagnosis overwhelmed me all the way to my fingertips. A daze mixed with wonderment, helplessness and fear struck my thoughts. It felt robotic to take to my BrailleNote to research my symptoms! Online and straight from the ER doctor’s mouth came the word “neuropathy.” What I discovered on my own was the following information: an incurable disease, neuropathy usually sensitizes nerves in the feet. The difference here lies in which body part the disease settled and the severity of the condition. Mine centralizes within the right knee where the severity amounts to the extreme! Neuropathy feels closest to a rug burn multiplied by five, and some days by 10. The outcome of such a horrification is an earsplitting scream which escapes my lungs at random throughout the day. Whomever does not run for the hills ends up crying as hard as me, although without the earsplitting scream that so easily breaks free. Having lived with this ailment for over 10 months now puts life in a whole new perspective. Everything I wanted, hoped, dreamt, thought and wished changed in a blink of an eye because you grow as a human when you undergo an unfamiliar stage in life, but you especially metamorphose when you suffer a minor injury to a fatal illness. It is only logical for alterations concerning ubiquitous notions to occur across a widespread period such as a lifetime to a short spell such as a broken arm or going through the ugly adolescent phase. Those alterations are perfect examples of psychological, emotional, spiritual and societal dynamics, values, norms and education facilitated by centuries of evolutionary development. Categorically, neuropathy unquestionably evolved my notions in regards to family and friends, love – in general, society, patience, spirituality, emotionality, separating important from unimportant issues, faith, happiness, myths and folklore, beliefs, disorders, illnesses, chronic pain, life – in general, and death – in general within a very short time span. Pay attention to the briefing written in a timeline format below. You can see how the neuropathy moves with fluidity from one stage to the next! The same goes for the evolvement of my thoughts, which you will have the pleasure to read in the very near-future.

A recap for anybody whom seems confused and unsure of where I am in life has been mapped out below to the very best of a crip girl’s ability. (The word “crip” is a politically incorrect version of the way too PC word “cripple.”)
Jan. – Apr.: Indescribable pain hit my right knee out of the blue. Dressing and undressing took 15 to 30 minutes and I screamed through the entire process. Could not go anywhere because the bumps on the road killed my knee to where I screamed. Sheltered myself from friends. The pain intensified whenever I was awake. Nothing could hit the knee, a slight breeze included, because it would induce unimaginable pain.
Jun. – Aug.: Medications began to work slowly relieving the extremity to a more tolerant level. The major depression lifted and I began socializing again. Still could not go anywhere nor could the knee be touched. Hope started to emerge once more.
End of Aug. – Oct.: Neuropathy worsened. Hardcore medications like dilaudid and morphine, even the percocet stopped helping. Doctors are not helpful either, they just argue about which medications they feel like prescribing because they accuse me of being addicted when I have only gotten tolerant of the medication in question. All hope and desire to live melted away. Nighttime brings with it terrible pain that disturbs my sleep. It releases when my newest assistant and best friend works acupressure points and does energy work. The relief retreats right away to not until bedtime. I have made it very clear to everyone that I want to die.

Part II — Pain Meditation

Glasses top up with champagne, expectant voices count backwards in unison, a humongous clock, (BONG! BONG! BONG!,) chimes in the new year. According to most peoples’ beliefs, the new year acts as a rejuvenation system–a cleanser for life’s pores. A reduction in dirt and foreign junk aids to clear all the pimples and all the blackheads accumulated over a twelve month cycle so that the year can start anew. More than ready to leave last year’s baggage behind, I blindly plunged ahead into the new year, (no pun intended.) At first everything went well. Then, about halfway through the month my physical health took a backslide. Now that we are in September it has been approximately nine months of massive pain.
After 26 and a half years of having lived and coped with excessive pain, January 2011 brought so much more than was imaginable! Trying to relieve it by implementing any method necessary overwhelmed my life so, so that everything that I touched, heard, smelled, tasted and saw, at least in my mind’s eye, was composed of countless needles utilized in acupuncture, fingers and hands consistently massaged, applied acupressure or did energy work which was that beyond my comprehension, but well-known to the masseuse, to the acupuncturist and to the woman also permitted to try lifeweaving. In addition to all this I also incorporated many painkillers prescribed by a pain management physician as well as antidepressants and antianxiety medications written by my PCP. Scents to calm the mind and the body such as lavender, dragon’s blood, and white angelica were sprayed in my vicinity or dabbed on each temple, behind the neck, at the top of the head where the seventh chakra is located, and on the heart where the healing fourth chakra is found. Finally, when nothing else managed to ease the pain, which felt like a rug burn anywhere from ten to twenty-fold, imagery meditation came into play as often as up to four times per day. Desperation leads a clear path to so many open doors that you never would have considered to walk-through before desperation cleared the obstacles in your walkway. Although meditation had been a part of my life long before neuropathy took over my knee nerves, it had not been something I practiced regularly. If practiced daily or routinely meditation can create a healthier, happier life for you.

Color Cleansing
Before commencing the exercise, please find a quiet room where you can sit or lay comfortably and where you will NOT be disturbed! Okay… Ready?? Great. First, sit or lay in a comfortable position. Second, take a couple deep breaths as described in my previous post encompassing breathing techniques. Good. Now, focus your attention on the pain area. (If there are multiple pain areas, use the area with the most pain as your main focal point.) Next, assign the pain a color. (Yes, giving pain a specified color can be perceived as a ridonculous concept, but after doing this exercise a few times it not only gets simpler to imagine pain as a color, but the thought of putting the two nouns together no longer seems completely worthless and a waste of time.) Then, take that color which you assigned to the pain and bathe yourself in it. Envelope your body in the color. Use your mind’s eye to even bathe your inner body in the color. Next, imagine a drain is somewhere below you. Okay… Pull it! All of the color drains out from you and from around you taking the pain down with it. Once it has all gone down the drain, revert your attention back to the pain area. What color do you see now? After assigning a color to the pain, repeat the above steps. Afterwards, assign another color. Repeat each step till you get to white and the pain has substantially released, or till it has released to your personal standards. TIPS:
1. Color Cleansing eases the pain by draining at least half of it and keeping it from pouring right back into the pain area for a couple of hours, though the outcome usually depends on the strength of a person’s mind’s eye. In other words, the outcome depends on how clearly one can see or one can focus on the imagery at hand. Practice makes it easier to see the colors in your mind’s eye more and more clearly. 2. When there multiple pain areas, beginning the color cleansing procedure at the area which oozes the most pain SHOULD automatically reduce pain in ALL areas. If this does not seem to be the case, simply continue on to the next pain area once finishing with the worst area. The pain will let go soon enough.

Iveta

Part I – Sleep Meditations

Last night I could not sleep whatsoever. Out of complete boredom I tried to relax my mind through meditation. I chose to do the breathing technique which is very relaxing, because it teaches you how to breathe correctly sending more oxygen to your lungs and brain. This is how you perform the technique.
Inhale deeply making your tummy balloon outwardly as far as it will go. Then, exhale fully letting all the air escape slowly as you blow it out of your mouth, and using your stomach muscles, pull your tummy inward, or toward your body, until nothing more can release. Do this several times SLOWLY and sleep will creep over you. It crept over me last night and I slept like a newborn baby afterwards.
TIPS: 1. If you begin to feel light-headed or woozy while using this technique, STOP IMMEDIATELY!! The objective here is to sleep, not to faint! You may need to slow your breathing even more than what you already have. You can also implement the following which everybody can benefit from: Try to inhale to the count of seven. Hold the breath to seven. Finally, exhale to the count of seven. You shouldn’t feel like passing out if you count slowly. 2. Finding a few minutes each day to breathe this way can give you more energy during the day resulting from the excessive oxygen gained from meditation practice. You can feel more awake and alert during the day permitting you to accomplish more and to be more efficient at your tasks. It takes all of 10 minutes out of your busy days.

If the above technique does not work for you for any reason, maybe the next meditation technique will appeal to you on the basis that most everyone knows how to meditate with imagery. A common imagery exercise involves imagining that you feel happy, comfortable and relaxed in your favorite place. You are listening to calming sounds and smelling calming scents. The following is an extension of that.
Sit or lay in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and imagine a bright white light moving over your body relaxing it at the same time. It begins at your feet. The light relaxes your toes, then your heels. It moves to your ankles, your calves, going up your legs to your knees, then your thighs. It travels upward relaxing your hips, fingers, hands, arms and elbows simultaneously your stomach relaxes slowing your breath. The white light covers your chest and shoulders. It goes to the neck, your jaw, lips and teeth and tongue, nose, your eyes, your ears, forehead, and lastly, it relaxes your scalp and hair. Now that your entire body feels nice and relaxed, shift your mind to a large, beautiful room decorated with blue carpet that stretches as far as the eye can see. Aligning the far freshly painted white wall about every 10 feet are columns made of gold. They sparkle so brilliantly they blind you when looking directly at them. Paintings of Egyptian women from centuries ago adorned in elegant jewelry hang on another wall. As you slowly cross to the center of the room you stop at a large table clothed in a royal purple cloth. What appears to be the most elegant wine glasses you’ve ever seen stand on every inch of the table leaving only the skirt of the cloth visible. Suddenly feeling a little thirsty and worn-out from walking half the room’s distance, you wonder what is inside the glasses. Glancing at the them you realize that different colors of contents fill each one. You choose the glass holding your favorite color of liquid. You swallow half the contents in a single gulp. Now feeling sleepier you sit on the lush, blue carpet. You drink the rest of the delicious liquid. You then realize that you are laying on the carpet. Laying there, it occurs to you that the liquid heightened your sleepiness. Now feeling comfortable, you see that your glass is full again. You look up to see an angel staring down at you. Its large, golden, airy wings sit you up. They hold your heavy body upright as the angel puts the glass to your lips helping you drink the contents once more. You prepare your body to collapse from being horribly exhausted, but instead, energy floods your body. The angel gives you more to drink, then immediately after finishing the contents, you land up back where you began. Open your eyes feeling refreshed.
TIPS: 1. You can also use this meditation to fall asleep. Meditate to the part where you fall to the carpet. I tested it up to that point and the outcome worked incredibly well. 2. If you find that this particular meditation gives you the energy you anticipate, practicing it daily can benefit you in the long run.

Whisky or Wine?

Smart girls do the talking
Pretty girls do the walking as
guys come flocking to them, gawking.
Optimists exude perky
while, to cynics, water looks mirky
But to me, it’s all quirky
how people act the same, yet different.
Curious how a person burns bright
when another burns brilliance!

And why’d her finger shine
a month after my ex and I hoaxed
we’d be together forever?
Am I more like a shot of whisky and
she more like a sip of expensive wine?
Smooth, elegant flavors come to life
personifying the few ounces as a gush oozing strength and spontaneity,
though, wine, so fine and valuable, evokes irresistibility!
Is this how you view she and me?
Or is my cynicism rising slowly?
Yes, a cynic, I am!
Smart and a sexy walk, it’s probably your Sam.

Is it ok to take your child’s money?

My only sister came over with the purpose of dropping off my nieces whom spend every other Saturday night with my parents and me.  Esperanza of five years and Adalicia of eight years love coming over, but their mother prefers to maintain her distance from her family on grounds to avoid their “judgments” about her decisions, which impact her children.  Contradictory to my younger sister’s belief that we do not support her actions, and are therefore against her, support has never ceased from being given by any of us.  In fact, guidance and advice is at her disposal, except she perceives opposing ideas as a means to judge.  Ever since she broke up with her children’s father, paranoia stemming from a lot of misunderstandings and false accusations strewn about by all parties, even as far as three years post-break up, has enveloped her mind.  Simultaneous to typing the earlier sentence I pondered the notion that perhaps her quick misjudgments, which imply her family’s obstructive attitudes, convey no relation to paranoia, but instead, to a representation of something deeper, like the fear of closeness.
Although, whether or not my sister suffers from paranoia is not really the issue at hand.  Rather, the main issue encompasses a question which led to an unnecessary, one-sided, heated fight on my sister’s behalf.  For she viewed my opinion on the question below as bizarre.  Her opinion, on the contrary, struck me not only as bizarre, but as unconventional.

CALLING ALL PARENTS
Your opinion is being requested! Please answer the question below:

(SCENARIO): Your child turns eight-years-old.  You invite your family along with your fiancé’s family.  Counting everybody altogether you realize how big the party will be.  Your fiancé’s column of the guest list includes eleven people and your column is filled with 33 people.  44 people represents a low average of people you usually invite so it does not pose a problem.  Well, no problem until now.
Having been a single-mother for nearly three years you have difficulties completing certain transactions on your own.  Child-support might be an option but you told the Father not to pay up, that you will see him in court.  (More about the Father in a later post.) You wonder how you will afford a party since you are an adult and your mother nor your grandmother no longer hand over free money.  It occurs to you to ask your mom for a loan, however, you are unsure of how to approach the subject for you have separated yourself so far from your mother that you do not know how to even have a regular conversation with her anymore.  You give up on the former idea by deciding to skip a bill payment instead.
The birthday party finally comes round and your child mostly receives gifts in the form of heartfelt cards covered with cutesy animals and filled with easy cash so that the child could pick out something he or she likes as opposed to getting toys and clothes he or she refuses to play with or wear.  Then everything becomes messy in the closet.
Okay.  Let’s say that out of all the five dollar bills, ten-dollar bills, and maybe one twenty-dollar bill your child ends up making somewhere between $30 to $40.  Now for the question!

(QUESTION): Your funds diminish from gathering all unspent means to throw a birthday party for your boy or girl whom turned eight.  You remember the $40 resting in your child’s “Secret Box” under the bed.  In need of money you finally decide to dash into the bedroom, to grab the money, and to exit the room holding $20 as you run to the grocery store.  Never do you intend to replace the money you took.  Whenever your child brings up the “lost” $20, you shrug it off by suggesting that he or she search for it.  You say the same words every time the “lost” money is brought up.  Also consider that the child is well-behaved.
Now, please say whether you agree or disagree with the Mother’s actions to take the twenty bucks.

In my opinion the Mother ought to put back the money she took.  The mom would be stealing and lying by not returning it, which makes her hypocritical.  There are certain rules that both parents and children must abide by.  Stealing and lying are crimes when taken too far for a reason.  (Yes! Lying in court is perjury.) Besides, you cannot expect respect from your children if you do not believe them worthy enough to respect as well.
The above ran through my mind, though not wanting to anger my sister, I continued with the notion that it was wrong for her to take Adalicia’s money.  One point made happened to be that people gave the money as a gift to Adalicia, they did not give it to my sister to do with it as she pleases.
As for my sister’s opinion, she made it clear how broke she had been and could not afford groceries.  Putting back the amount taken was unimportant because she pays for everything including: nice clothes, shoes and backpacks, not to mention, almost any toy inquired by Adalicia.  In fact, she carried on by insisting that taking the $20 was not stealing, though, she could not explain why not.  She blew up at me and the conversation moved to her issues with me feeling sick…  But I will stop before I say something I might regret.  I love her but she and I have grown apart throughout the past three years.

CIAO!

Iveta

The Fray – Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

Ah, the subject of friendship. What a broad topic. It will be discussed in a condensed version along with relating it with a song recorded by The Fray to assist in the explanation below.

Definitions of a friend. How does the Oxford dictionary define a friend? The Oxford dictionary defines a friend as follows: noun. a person whom one knows and with whom has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. Also, according to the Oxford dictionary, the word friend derives from an Indo-European root meaning “to love.” All of this touches the tip of my own definition. For me, and for many others, there are a few personal preconditions linked to the denotation which must be established before a person can attain friendship status. How do you define a friend? While embracing the formal description written above, my connotation applies to someone whom you know well and to whom you find trustworthy, therefore, inevitably developing platonic feelings. A stipulation attached to it all embodies sharing a few mild secrets between one another. Taking this definition one step further, a “best friend” plays a more significant role in life by being cast as someone whom you trust with your life combined with someone whom you share your deepest, darkest secrets. If someone whom you know well and whom you care for has repeatedly shown themselves to be unloyal, that someone might depict a friend by my description, but that someone is definitely not dubbed “best friend.” This is a huge variation in my heart. It is crucial for best friends to share everything in my book. Otherwise, whom will you count on through the ups, downs, and middles of life? Just a rhetorical question for the audience to contemplate.
The song. How does the song relate to the main theme? This may seem like an unnecessary question given its easy outer shell. Yet, breaking down the chorus into smaller sections puts more emphasis on its message. Prior to writing this post its topic occurred to me while singing along to “How to Save A Life” on my iPod. Of course, the theme regarding a lost friendship became apparent proceeding decoding Isaac’s muffled tone. However, it hit home recently as a consequence of resisting communication with my true best friend of 15 years. Our friendship changed after a four month period where we had not spoken stemming from me falling ill to the right knee’s nerves. Once functional enough to handle speaking on the phone again, the two of us noticed that neither knew the other anymore. Everything kept spiraling downward. Then, a terrible betrayal happened on my behalf.
About a year preceding her discovery, I accidentally let slip a giant secret to her cousin whom led me to believe my best friend had also confided in her. She even brought up the subject, but that is neither here nor there. Guilt and nausea immediately followed the inexcusable betrayal. Finding out about her cousin’s cluelessness caused me to be more cautious about what I say and what others around me say. A month to six weeks ago my best friend asked if I had told. My first reaction led me to reply with a playful no, afterwards, I responded with the truth. She said she forgave me but refuses to tell me anything too private without providing any statutes such as allowing me the chance to earn her trust. Both of us tried moving passed my betrayal but she continually became annoyed with so many things I said without intending to imply any hidden meanings. Apologies have been heartfelt. What else can I do? Being friends will never be the same if she does not want to share anything private. Referring to my definition encompassing friends, I would drop a notch to just a “friend,” rather than staying her “best friend.” This deeply pains my heart. But it would kill me to live with her missing in my life. Fighting with her represents something I loathe more than nearly everything else, but solving this mystifying. I love her! I love you Aria!

Iveta

Do you find that removing mold is troublesome? Try these suggestions!

Mold can become hazardous to both animals and humans alike. Each type mutates imitating aliens as they produce more and more offspring that aspire to cover all parts of a specific area such as a shower, or of a much larger spectrum such as a house. These differing fungi are the cause of a wide variety of ailments ranging from asthma to cancer proving that mold is indisputably lethal to the lungs. To prevent illnesses like asthma, cancer, or any disease in between, the logical answer equals removing it from all areas where it lives, period!
Okay. Well, you are likely thinking: Psh! Removing mold is easy to advise, but the action itself can rapidly become a huge pain in the arse, (as the Irish would say.) Therefore, I spent a few spare moments researching this topic, then, I compiled a short list of, from my perspective, the better four suggestions that could best rid mold from hard surfaces. Below are these four suggestions! Good luck.

Q: How do I remove shower mold?
A.
Suggestion 1: Go for some baking soda. When applied as a paste, it can remove just about anything from just about anywhere, and while you’re at it, sprinkle some in your toilet. Let that sit while you clean the shower and then swish your brush around. Voila! Clean bathroom!
Suggestion 2: Most of these chemicals in the market have harmful fumes. The best is lemon salt mixed with automatic dishwashing detergent.
Suggestion 3: Combine a mixture of 50-50 bleach and water in a spray bottle. After you spray it directly on the mold, let it sit a few minutes then wipe off with a damp rag or rinse with clean water.
Suggestion 4: An article stated that bleach will not kill mold but that hydrogen peroxide will.

Happy Cleaning!

Iveta

Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates and I Am Caramel Sticking to Your Teeth

Technical difficulties kept me from writing my fascinating introduction. I will complete it now…
Hi, this is my first post so please bare with me as I make a quick intro about myself. One thing I promise is that I will refuse to include boring drivel, thus its rapidness!
Some people are privileged enough to attend IV League universities, travel, study abroad, work few hours for a six digit paycheck, frequently vacation, etc., and do it all before their 30th birthday. I turned 27 July 5, 2011. Three years left until my 30th birthday, and such luxuries are out of reach considering my lifestyle. Though, I dreamed of working toward a similar life, those dreams were closer when I was in Honors Society at 13 years old. Unfortunately, a year prior to joining Honors Society, my sight vanished and an allergy to the hepatitis B vaccination stunted my plans by sentencing me to life in a wheelchair. Proceeding these eventful circumstances, I graduated public high school, attended UNM, flunked out, transferred to community college, returned to UNM, declared a major in Spanish, dropped-out, hoped to write a novel, suspiciously suffered from nerve sensitivity in the right knee, and so I am now trying to overcome the severe pain. My life in a nutshell. All I require is that readers ask any questions they choose, but please ask respectfully.

CIAO!

Iveta